2002-07-09
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone....

I currently felly depressed.

Why?

Because Ben has gone away. Its the first time that we've been away from each other. He's away to Barcalona for a week. I'm gonna miss him like crazy.

I know I talk about Ben alot, I appologise. But, Ben is one of the most happy things that has happened to me in a long long time. He's a wonderful guy and I love being with him, we can spend hours talking, within the short space that I've known him I don't think I have ever been so comfortable and open with a person. Ever.

I have a hard time being open with people and getting close to them and I guess it's because I have a fear of trusting people, I don't want to be hurt, or judged. With Ben I have no fear of doing that whatsoever.

So forgive me if I ramble on about him all the time . I just have so much respect and admiration for him. He's incredible.

God knows how any girl could let time slip through their fingers.....which, i still don't have the answer to...I'm afraid to ask and I don't want to come across as nosey and invading his privacy. At the sametime I want him to feel that I'm very much interested in him and I want to know about him.

I just have a few intamacy problems.

I met up with Kati over the weekend. We got very deep and meaningfull. She feels that she's not achieved anything in her life (she's 23). She's feels that she doesn't have the determination and drive to try anything. At the moment she's big on acting and want to be famous. We all want to be famous I think....?

I think you have to be a certain type of person to do that kinda thing. Think about it. Long days, rejection, expectations....

I relly don't think Kati could handle that. Getting into acting ain't easy..

Also, she feel a little bit left behind in the relationship field. She's never really had a proper boyfriend... or a boyfriend at all in that instance. She says that she's pretty jealous of me and Ben and the fact that I can have the confidence to talk to guys and how I've bagged a 30 year old.

Well, If Kati were to go out and meet folk it won't be so bad, She's a lovely girl and all.

Listen, I'll be back later and I'll tell ya about Party in the Park!

yesterday - foreverdiv>