2002-06-11
Relationships, sex, judgement and weddings

OK this is me rambling on about Ben again.

I've noticed that when ever we talk and stuff he always asks me about past relationships. I answeered because I felt that he was interested and just wanted to get some background info on me. Buiut I never had the guts to ask him....well I did, but I just didn't want to come across as nosey or whatever.

I was over at Bens on saturday night for dinner and a quite night in. We wr=ere talking and stuff like we do. He brought up the relationship thing again. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I had to ask why he wanted to know so badly. So i told him all he needed to know which was pretty much everything.

He then asked me if there was something that i desperatly neeed to know....OK i thoght I'll just through back the question at him.

This is what I found out.

Turns out that he had a very serious relationships before me, three infact, you know the type where you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone... the last one before me, he was engaged, it ended really badly about 3 months ago.

He want to know how felt about that. Yeah I know that he's thrity and possibly at that 'settling down' stage, he's way more experienced that me and all that.

But do you know what, It doesn't bother me. I don't feel threatebned by it at all. Thats hos business, it's kinda nice to feel that he felt that he had to tell me.

He was saying that he cares about me and that he would never fuck me around and that he gives a damn....

It just felt reallyt nice to know all that. :)

I've notice that we're both really simillar when we both come to relationships....very sensitive and stuff like that.

I found out some really cute things about him also, he's a romantic and we were talking about weddings and how we'd like it to be like. He said he'd like his wife to sing Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman, to him at their wedding. Man, I think that is so cool!.

So after a bottle and a half of red wine the conversation moved on to sex. Hmmm.... you know how many people have I slept with, what was the first was like and all.

Now, I haven't slept with that many people (i am not a slut), Ben was very suprised to hear that. Why? because apperently I know what I'm doing and very much in control.

That was nice to know!

Also, I have this look in my eyes when ever we're you know... well...getting it on. He calls it Bedroom eyes, which is something that he's never experienced until he's been with me and its very powerful so he tells me.

The definition between sexuality and sensuality. Sensuality is Way sexier!

*sigh*

He's a cute!

And he makes bloody good Italian! *lol*

So I stayed over again, he had to work in the afternoon, so a went home had a shower and put on my tracky bottoms and watched Hollyoaks and Big Brother and vegged out all day!

It was great I had fuck all to do so I watched TV and and caught up with my other journal, ate all day and was on the phone most of the time!

Woo hoo!

So I was speaking to Kati on Sunday night she was reminding me that I was to go over to her's for dinner for tuesday (today). So we were catching up, and all she seems to be very interested in my Ben (she wants him cloned! NO CHANCE!, she asked how far me and have gone.

Kati is a lass with morals. Bless. (The self proclaimed Britney Spears)

But she can get quite judgemental.

She's my best mate and everything so I decided to tell her.

Yes, we've been sleeping together, (I did nothing to hide that).

I just didn't tell her that it was on the first date.

Like I said, I've not slept with a lot of guys (hardly any to be honest, and if have they are guys that I have known for ages and I'm still mates with them. But with Ben i felt that it was different, it felt right.

The only persons judgement I can trust and depend on is my own.

I know Kati means well, but lets just say that her tone of voice changed with me.

It's gonna be a really interesting evening.

J

yesterday - foreverdiv>